I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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