Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
ok first of all what the fuck
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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