@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She bit a glass in half.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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