I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
