Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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