summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
