Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
