He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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