I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
why is half of my head shaved?
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