Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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