Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
