Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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