I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
