I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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