Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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