I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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