I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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