In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
