I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
