the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
