Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
