ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
