Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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