I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is my gift to your gina
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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