Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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