I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
