My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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