he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
