I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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