yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize