May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
