Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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