but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
