I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
