rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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