Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
