Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
