Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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