you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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