At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
