U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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