I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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