a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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