I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize