rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
