He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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