We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i out mim tonsoeep
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