i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
