Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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