whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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