I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
