I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
