return my video game
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
