Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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