Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
