Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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