remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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