Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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