You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
