GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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