I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
