Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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